yobech505

What Were You Thinking?

My own vocabulary:  Cortexed : verb  Kor-tekst  To plant into the memory of the brain 

I believe I know what goes on in that rather attractive head of yours.  I can tell what you are thinking just by the way you act, your actions, body language and the tone and fluctuation in your lecture.

I have experience.  I’ve been around the block more than a few circumnavigations.  I know.

Okay.  So I don’t really know.  I observe, listen, deduce, then I guess.  Hey, whatever gets the rind off the lemon. The sour part of the message is in there somewhere.  I need to find it.  So I go looking.  I put all the information I gather in my inquiry in a giant colander, shake the miscellaneous doo doo out, then I use a top scientific application and I guess.

I like to think I’m right.  It makes it easier to accept whatever happened.  It allows me to blame, accuse,  implicate and feel like it was somebody else and not me.

Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m not right some of the time.  Even a blind worm can find the right mud  if it has enough time before it dries out in the sun.  Of course, worms don’t have eyes, so I guess they’re all blind.  Still, that doesn’t change the fact that I can be right about it.

I have convinced the inner parts of my mind that all of this was part of some conspiracy in another’s brain.  It was deep cortexed, brought on by a series of, by themselves, barely significant actions on my part, added up to make me undesirable, a ‘friend’ rather that a lover, a threat rather than partner,  a burden rather that supportive. 

The hardest part of all of this is admitting that the information I managed to scrape together and pile up outside a mucked stall may not be accurate.  In fact, the inner workings of that mass jumble of cells and neuro transmitters is down right hostile to changing its point of view, firmly in the “My mind is made up and all evidence but mine is all baloney” mode.

Am I right?  Huh? Lets see if that can be disproved?  C’mon.  I’m waiting.

There was a time when I thought I knew everything.  I was convinced I knew the “why” in how things fell off the table.  I was this telepath, sneaking into someone’s head, predicting, anticipating, intercepting their purpose and telling them what it was. 

For this moment, I can reassure all, I don’t know everything.  But I am still not convinced that the things I’ve been saying aren’t the true reasons behind it all.   Maybe.